Since sometime in October we have had a housekeeper come once every two weeks to do some of the heavier household chores. I met her at the grocery store on base because she liked the flowers I had picked out and started to chat. Her name is Rose and she is married to an American contractor. Her English is very good, although not quite fluent. Not for lack of trying, however. Rose is extremely talkative. Although she usually works only for about three hours, I'm always exhausted by the time she leaves! Since she's been coming here I have learned a lot about Filipino families and way of life, about being married to a black American man, and about her previous adventures before getting married. Here are some of the random things she has told me:
Just before Rose was born the current baby of the family (a boy) died of an illness. Rose's mother was very disappointed that she turned out to be a girl and decided to give her away to some friends. For her first seven years of life Rose was raised by two sisters and their brother. By the time Rose was old enough for school her mother decided to take her back and send her to school. It seems that Rose and her mother never did have a great relationship, which is understandable. However, Rose is grateful that her mother sent her to school. And family loyalty meant that when her mother got sick Rose paid for the treatments. That's why she took up housekeeping here even though she doesn't need to work. She wanted to pay for her mother's dialysis treatments back in the Philippines.
Her mother passed away a couple of months ago, so now Rose is continuing to work to help pay for her sister's son's upbringing, since his father won't claim him. The parents are not married and actually the father is married to someone else. Rose thinks that the father will eventually claim her nephew as his son because his other children are all girls. The father will need a son to pass his property on to since it doesn't seem that girls inherit.
Rose is careful never to criticize me openly, but she does leave strong hints that I am not nearly strict enough with my son. When she was growing up it seems that beatings were regularly given in her household. There was even an incident when one of her older sisters sneaked out of the house and all of the other seven siblings were beaten for not stopping her. Rose seems ambivalent about these beatings. She thinks her father had every right to give them, although of course she did not like it. She has stopped short of recommending that I do the same and seems to be unsure whether it really is the best way to treat children. She doesn't have any children of her own, so she hasn't had to make the choice for herself. But she likes to tell Simon that if he behaved the way he does in her father's house he would never do it twice! (Since her accent is rather strong I think Simon hasn't really understood her, thankfully)
When Rose was 21 she decided to leave the Philippines and work abroad. Although this is a very common thing for young Filipinos to do, at least one of her (American) uncles tried to discourage this plan, worrying about her safety. If you ever meet Rose you will understand why this would never actually be a concern. Rose is extremely strong, practical, and capable of defending herself!
One of the first places she worked was in Saudi Arabia. She was employed by a company that provided housekeepers to Saudi families and businesses. I am not totally clear about the timeline, but I think the first place she worked was in a private household. Everything went fine for a while until the husband of the house took a fancy to her. She did her best to avoid him, but one day she caught him in a compromising state while ogling her. She left the house, went directly to her employer and told them she needed to leave. Thankfully they agreed and she went back to pack her things. She informed the wife that she was leaving and the wife begged her to stay and even started unpacking her suitcase. Rose was having none of it. She told the wife exactly what her husband had done, grabbed her stuff, and walked straight out the door.
At another point Rose worked in a kind of orphanage in Saudi Arabia. She said most of the kids there were not actually orphans but were illegitimate children. When I expressed some concern for the children being left in an orphanage she did not understand. Where else would they go? Obviously the parents could not keep a child in such a situation (obviously...)
Another employer Rose had in Saudi Arabia wanted to marry her. She would have been either the second or third wife of this man. She did seriously consider marrying him and even converted from Catholicism to Islam in preparation. For some reason, however, this plan fell through, and Rose returned to the Philippines. When her father found out she had converted he put his foot down. He was NOT going to have a Muslim living in his house. So Rose prudently re-converted back to Catholicism.
Rose's education seems to have been somewhat less than adequate. Perhaps it emphasized English over other subjects. She also has no problem dealing with money and budgets, but seems to have never been taught anything about science. She was amazed one day when she saw white flowers in colored water on our counter. It had never occurred to her that this was how flowers sometimes had such unusual colors. Quite a revelation! She has little concept of medical issues and distrusts almost everything doctors do or say. She herself never takes any prescribed medication, although she does at least help her diabetic husband manage his blood sugar. And she made me some excellent ginger root tea when I had pneumonia.
Last week Rose spent a lot of time telling me that she doesn't think cancer exists. The doctors may
say someone has cancer, but what's really happening is organ failure. Lung cancer? No such thing. It's just someone's lungs starting to fail. There's so much to be said against this idea I couldn't think where to begin so I just nodded and smiled. Needless to say, she does not seem to think much of my work in philosophy. I get the impression that she views it as a hobby of the rich and not worth anything in the long run.
Although I find her company exhausting, I am always very entertained by her. She is a loving and caring and loyal person, if a bit rough around the edges at times. She has done amazingly well with her life considering the many obstacles growing up in poverty has given her. And she is most definitely the strongest person I've ever met!